Let's look at Astro Yogurt ("yogurt". Gah!  Try "yoghurt" you illiterate twats.)  Astro has a new TV spot out, which I completely forget (way to cut through the clutter) except for the closing.  The fine folks at Astro's agency have wrapped up their piece with 3 fine Astro Yogurt qualities.  It's pretty formulaic, it's tried and true, everyone does it because it works. Great, whatever.

Moving right along, the qualities are:

1. Smooth

Fair enough, no-one likes to chew yoghurt.

2. Creamy.

Also good; in the land of dairy products creamy = high-quality

3. Yogurty

Are you fucking shitting me?  "Yogurty"?  That's the best you have?  "Our yoghurt is yoghurt-like"? You can't do better than that? You suck.  Dear Astro: fire that writer and hire me.  Here are some free words that a 3-year-old could have come up with:

Delicious. Nutritious. Satisfying.

This is like the geniuses who came up with Coors Light: Crisp, Clean and Cold.  "Cold"?!  I have a fridge, dumbasses. And all of the beer in it is the same temperature.  Back to the drawing board with you!

Note: When quoting Astro I have deigned to use "yogurt".  For my own insane opinions, I have spelt (that's right! "spelt"!) it "yoghurt".  At no point have I gone completely off the rails into the land of "yoghourt".